It's funny the effect a film can have on you:
I’d decided to visit the cinema less often as I'd (a) reached what the French call "un certain age", (b) been 'forced'* to have Film4 (etc.) at home, and (c) for medical reasons – if not monetary ones – started travelling less often (to alternative cinemas in Newcastle, Dumfries, or Edinburgh).
Then I saw "THE FOURTH KIND", the sort of Americans-abducted-by-aliens nonsense which Sky 3 might show in the early hours – and I thought "£4.75 for this? [it was a Monday afternoon screening] I could have stayed at home and watched "WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER ARE YOU?" again on FiveUSA for nothing!".(Believe me, even the most emotional TVMovie is preferable to "THE FOURTH KIND".)
Then, within a month, I saw "ME AND ORSON WELLES" – and I thought "only £4.75 for this? How can I think of coming less often? Put on some more films like this, and I’d be back at my 1998-high (101 visits)!"
But the trouble is, they won't – children are a cinema's audience these days (hardly surprising when most people over 25 seem to own a VCR, a DVD player, an internet computer, a Skybox, and a Freeview STB). Even if commercial cinemas showed subtitled Spanish films every month (and publicised them so that people knew about them), they'd be hard-pressed to get an audience outside of the cosmopolitan cities.
Anyhow, rather than continuing to moan about the 'good old days' when you could see a double feature for 3/6d, I'll announce my awards for 2009:
Well, I suppose Michelle Pfeiffer should win something for being prepared to show her age in "CHERI"; Michael Caine for showing his in "HARRY BROWN"; Danny Boyle for directing "SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE"; maybe Sandrine Bonnaire for "L'EMPREINTE DE L'ANGE". And "A BUNCH OF AMATEURS" at least deserves a round of applause for being a rollicking good comedy which didn't stoop to violence, sex, or bad language to get laughs. (And most of the highbrow critics hated it – make of that what you will!).
So, next year, 40 new films?
*Carlisle is the first all-digital TV city in the UK, so in order to watch any TV, we have to be able to receive at least 50 channels.
All ►◄ quotes are from my reviews.
© Richard Haysom, 2009.
Friday 18 December 2009
The Winners ***½
1. ME AND ORSON WELLES
►one of the reasons [this is #1] is the late-'30s backstage atmosphere ... another is 'simply' the playing: [Christian]McKay has the mannerisms and furore of Orson to a T.◄
2. GRAN TORINO
►'Dirty Harry’ still won’t take any sh*t but, in his golden years, he won’t let others take any either.◄
►one of the reasons [this is #1] is the late-'30s backstage atmosphere ... another is 'simply' the playing: [Christian]McKay has the mannerisms and furore of Orson to a T.◄
2. GRAN TORINO
►'Dirty Harry’ still won’t take any sh*t but, in his golden years, he won’t let others take any either.◄
The Goodies ***
3. THE SPIRIT
►The blend of deadly deeds and cool characters sells you this on the surface, but the noir-ish feeling makes you dig deeper.◄
4. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
►Danny Boyle mixes his hero's nailbiting appearances on a quiz show with the fascinating stories behind him knowing the answer to each question.◄
5. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
►Tarantino's 152-minute eye-filling fest keeps you hooked on several related plots.◄
6. THE READER
►… sudden change in tone pull you into an entirely different – but subtly connected – storyline in which the actions of S.S. Guards in the Death Camps take centre stage.◄
7. A BUNCH OF AMATEURS
►…simply freewheels, with most conceits invoking anything from an endearing smile to an uncontrollable guffaw.◄
8. FROST/NIXON
►Compelling 2-hours of two failing figures (a discredited president and a disliked reporter) finding
things out about each other by default.◄
9. L'EMPREINTE DE L'ANGE / THE MARK OF AN ANGEL
►It's easy to overlook [Sandrine Bonnaire's] careful playing of a mother who may be perturbed for more than the reason that another hen is trying to steal her chick.◄
10. TWO LOVERS
►Surprisingly ‘real’ movie featuring ‘real’ characters in New York … director/co-writer James Gray has an un-Hollywood knack for understatement.◄
11 CHÉRI
►… twin delights of Stephen Frears' "CHERI" are the contortions of the story and the backgrounds they are played out against.◄
12. HARRY BROWN
►Michael [Caine] playing his age and cracking no jokes as he tries ridding his estate of yobs ... occasional risible moments but, as a straightforward, largely credible home thriller, this packs a punch◄
13. DOUBT
►the strict principal of a catholic school believes that a priest has been sexually abusing a boy ... she pursues her belief until we become hooked on the possibility that she's right◄
14. ZOMBIELAND
►[Jesse] Eisenberg grabs the lead in Ruben Fleischer's 'fun' zombie movie, and runs with it … [Emma] Stone makes an enjoyably sassy survivor.◄
15. TRIANGLE
►…clever narrative gradually envelops you in an intriguing, ever-more-intricate circular story.◄
►The blend of deadly deeds and cool characters sells you this on the surface, but the noir-ish feeling makes you dig deeper.◄
4. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
►Danny Boyle mixes his hero's nailbiting appearances on a quiz show with the fascinating stories behind him knowing the answer to each question.◄
5. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
►Tarantino's 152-minute eye-filling fest keeps you hooked on several related plots.◄
6. THE READER
►… sudden change in tone pull you into an entirely different – but subtly connected – storyline in which the actions of S.S. Guards in the Death Camps take centre stage.◄
7. A BUNCH OF AMATEURS
►…simply freewheels, with most conceits invoking anything from an endearing smile to an uncontrollable guffaw.◄
8. FROST/NIXON
►Compelling 2-hours of two failing figures (a discredited president and a disliked reporter) finding
things out about each other by default.◄
9. L'EMPREINTE DE L'ANGE / THE MARK OF AN ANGEL
►It's easy to overlook [Sandrine Bonnaire's] careful playing of a mother who may be perturbed for more than the reason that another hen is trying to steal her chick.◄
10. TWO LOVERS
►Surprisingly ‘real’ movie featuring ‘real’ characters in New York … director/co-writer James Gray has an un-Hollywood knack for understatement.◄
11 CHÉRI
►… twin delights of Stephen Frears' "CHERI" are the contortions of the story and the backgrounds they are played out against.◄
12. HARRY BROWN
►Michael [Caine] playing his age and cracking no jokes as he tries ridding his estate of yobs ... occasional risible moments but, as a straightforward, largely credible home thriller, this packs a punch◄
13. DOUBT
►the strict principal of a catholic school believes that a priest has been sexually abusing a boy ... she pursues her belief until we become hooked on the possibility that she's right◄
14. ZOMBIELAND
►[Jesse] Eisenberg grabs the lead in Ruben Fleischer's 'fun' zombie movie, and runs with it … [Emma] Stone makes an enjoyably sassy survivor.◄
15. TRIANGLE
►…clever narrative gradually envelops you in an intriguing, ever-more-intricate circular story.◄
Thursday 17 December 2009
The Acceptables **½
16. GENOVA
►…enchanting performances, attractive photography, and a lovely, credible feeling of childhood slipping away for two motherless girls.◄
17. DRAG ME TO HELL
► Sam Raimi's film exerts a pull missing from most 21st Century horror films.◄
18. PAUL BLART MALL COP
►…short, sharp, fairly sweet comedy they just don’t make ‘em like anymore.◄
19. DORIAN GRAY
►Stylised version of Oscar Wilde's novel "The Picture Of Dorian Gray"… [Ben] Barnes isn't experienced enough to do Gray's darkly intriguing character justice.◄
20. THE YOUNG VICTORIA
►…but the narrative is fragmentary and never gives you the feeling that you’ve learned anything of Victoria’s reign◄
21. THE PROPOSAL
► PC? No; Original? Not for a second; Fun? You Bet!◄
22. CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC
►Bright direction from P.J. Hogan, and a better-than-usual cast for this sort of fluff.◄
23. KATALIN VARGA
►...[set in Transylvania, but] banish any thoughts of stakes, crosses, and garlic, and instead 'enjoy' a melodramatic tale of [Hilda] Peter seeking revenge on the men who raped her.◄
24. THE INTERNATIONAL
►[Daniel] Craig seems to think he's playing 007 (globetrotting from Berlin to Milan to New York to Istanbul), but he hasn't been given the dialogue to allow him to even smile.◄
25. THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE
►…mawkish at times, but it doesn't overdo the emotion.◄
26. CADILLAC RECORDS
►More a standard biography of Chess records … than an exciting film in its own right◄
27. LOS ABRAZOS ROTOS / BROKEN EMBRACES
►[Pénélope] Cruz and the typically flamboyant photography are moreorless all that can be savoured.◄
28. MOON
►… goes down well if you want to immerse yourself in a slow-moving 'thought' piece.◄
29. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY
►writer-director Orin Peli realises that we're here to see (and hear) the hauntings, not the leading couple's discussions.◄
►…enchanting performances, attractive photography, and a lovely, credible feeling of childhood slipping away for two motherless girls.◄
17. DRAG ME TO HELL
► Sam Raimi's film exerts a pull missing from most 21st Century horror films.◄
18. PAUL BLART MALL COP
►…short, sharp, fairly sweet comedy they just don’t make ‘em like anymore.◄
19. DORIAN GRAY
►Stylised version of Oscar Wilde's novel "The Picture Of Dorian Gray"… [Ben] Barnes isn't experienced enough to do Gray's darkly intriguing character justice.◄
20. THE YOUNG VICTORIA
►…but the narrative is fragmentary and never gives you the feeling that you’ve learned anything of Victoria’s reign◄
21. THE PROPOSAL
► PC? No; Original? Not for a second; Fun? You Bet!◄
22. CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC
►Bright direction from P.J. Hogan, and a better-than-usual cast for this sort of fluff.◄
23. KATALIN VARGA
►...[set in Transylvania, but] banish any thoughts of stakes, crosses, and garlic, and instead 'enjoy' a melodramatic tale of [Hilda] Peter seeking revenge on the men who raped her.◄
24. THE INTERNATIONAL
►[Daniel] Craig seems to think he's playing 007 (globetrotting from Berlin to Milan to New York to Istanbul), but he hasn't been given the dialogue to allow him to even smile.◄
25. THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE
►…mawkish at times, but it doesn't overdo the emotion.◄
26. CADILLAC RECORDS
►More a standard biography of Chess records … than an exciting film in its own right◄
27. LOS ABRAZOS ROTOS / BROKEN EMBRACES
►[Pénélope] Cruz and the typically flamboyant photography are moreorless all that can be savoured.◄
28. MOON
►… goes down well if you want to immerse yourself in a slow-moving 'thought' piece.◄
29. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY
►writer-director Orin Peli realises that we're here to see (and hear) the hauntings, not the leading couple's discussions.◄
The Also-Rans **
30. THE DAMNED UNITED
►An uninspiring depiction of an uninspiring true story [which] never once makes you want to learn of the politics behind [Brian] Clough's failure.◄
31. THE SOLOIST
►A well-meaning, well-played film with too little substance to sustain its 2-hour running time◄
32. VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
►...not just the same ol' same ol' Woody-among-the-nouveaux-riches, it's a cliché of that.◄
33. CREATION
►... first problem with [this] film is its foregrounding of Darwin's personal life over his political postulations. The second is that his personal life is not very interesting.◄
34. THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 /2009/
►... the makers of this unnecessary thriller are adamant that it isn't a remake.◄
35. SURROGATES
►Bruce Willis' 'surrogate' wears a wig that makes him look like a shop-window dummy past its expiry date.◄
36. THE FINAL DESTINATION /2009/
►... the usual: one boy correctly 'dreams' a disaster and people begin dying because they 'cheated death', another plays Devil's advocate and pours scorn on the whole thing.◄
37. DUPLICITY
►...shuffles the script until it plays in seemingly random chunks.◄
38. REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
►The leads seem to be performing as if on stage, where this no doubt woudn’t seem the empty
experience it does on film◄
39. HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
►... distressingly close to those made-for-cable disasters in which people talk direct to camera about their hang-ups.◄
40. THE SECRET OF MOONACRE
►The pairing of a promising young star with a promising director yields little of substance.◄
41. YES MAN
►When will a US studio film give up pedalling the same romantic plot?◄
42. THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS
►Suitably 'mad', but rarely funny.◄
►An uninspiring depiction of an uninspiring true story [which] never once makes you want to learn of the politics behind [Brian] Clough's failure.◄
31. THE SOLOIST
►A well-meaning, well-played film with too little substance to sustain its 2-hour running time◄
32. VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
►...not just the same ol' same ol' Woody-among-the-nouveaux-riches, it's a cliché of that.◄
33. CREATION
►... first problem with [this] film is its foregrounding of Darwin's personal life over his political postulations. The second is that his personal life is not very interesting.◄
34. THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 /2009/
►... the makers of this unnecessary thriller are adamant that it isn't a remake.◄
35. SURROGATES
►Bruce Willis' 'surrogate' wears a wig that makes him look like a shop-window dummy past its expiry date.◄
36. THE FINAL DESTINATION /2009/
►... the usual: one boy correctly 'dreams' a disaster and people begin dying because they 'cheated death', another plays Devil's advocate and pours scorn on the whole thing.◄
37. DUPLICITY
►...shuffles the script until it plays in seemingly random chunks.◄
38. REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
►The leads seem to be performing as if on stage, where this no doubt woudn’t seem the empty
experience it does on film◄
39. HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
►... distressingly close to those made-for-cable disasters in which people talk direct to camera about their hang-ups.◄
40. THE SECRET OF MOONACRE
►The pairing of a promising young star with a promising director yields little of substance.◄
41. YES MAN
►When will a US studio film give up pedalling the same romantic plot?◄
42. THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS
►Suitably 'mad', but rarely funny.◄
The Failures *½
43. JENNIFER'S BODY
►It's hard – nay, impossible – to believe that Diablo Cody, who wrote "JUNO", was also responsible for the ragbag of a screenplay here.◄
44. GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST
►The script and the performers never rise above the predictably mundane.◄
45. MY SISTER'S KEEPER
►Almost everyone has a go at narrating the film over lumpy patches.◄
46. (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
►…the most clichéd, yawn-inducing comedy of the year.◄
47. SORORITY ROW
►No marks for the horror-film clichés, for setting the film in Greek-lettered college houses, or for the plot taking place in the dark◄
48. BETTER THINGS
►Once one realises that the entire film is to be young people explaining their lives in a drab environment, one just wishes they had lives worth explaining!◄
49. KNOWING
►Cage looks so in earnest that nobody has the heart to tell him how mad the narrative is.◄
►It's hard – nay, impossible – to believe that Diablo Cody, who wrote "JUNO", was also responsible for the ragbag of a screenplay here.◄
44. GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST
►The script and the performers never rise above the predictably mundane.◄
45. MY SISTER'S KEEPER
►Almost everyone has a go at narrating the film over lumpy patches.◄
46. (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
►…the most clichéd, yawn-inducing comedy of the year.◄
47. SORORITY ROW
►No marks for the horror-film clichés, for setting the film in Greek-lettered college houses, or for the plot taking place in the dark◄
48. BETTER THINGS
►Once one realises that the entire film is to be young people explaining their lives in a drab environment, one just wishes they had lives worth explaining!◄
49. KNOWING
►Cage looks so in earnest that nobody has the heart to tell him how mad the narrative is.◄
The Trash *
50. THE FOURTH KIND
►This keeps on telling us that, in the end, what we believe is up to us. Well, we believe that this film is utter cr*p!◄
►This keeps on telling us that, in the end, what we believe is up to us. Well, we believe that this film is utter cr*p!◄
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